Dear readers, I wanted to title this week's column "You conniving little wh*re," as Ava said to Esme this week, but this is a family-friendly column, and I knew that couldn't be the headline Soap Central pasted up in giant letters. Thus, I went a little tamer for decency's sake. But that line reminded me of the old SNL bit where Dan Akroyd said, "Jane, you ignorant slut," to Jane Curtin on "Point-Counterpoint." https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c91XUyg9iWM
This week on GH was one fiery scene after another: Trina's trial, Nikolas' confession, Joss taping Sonny and Dex kicking Felty's booty in the hospital stairwell, Spinelli confessing he's the mastermind behind Society Setups, Valentin and Anna's steamy date, and Brando telling Sasha the hard truth that she's out of control.
But the most anticipated scene was Ava learning about Nikolas' affair with Esme and the ensuing catfight. I want to see Ava rip Esme's hair out strand by strand until she's Sinead O'Connor. The fire in Ava's eyes is worth a million bucks and a daytime Emmy. No one can snarl out a threat like Maura West. The scenes we have seen and the ones we know are coming will be fire.
Ava has already deduced that Esme has a personal interest in her after Esme name-dropped Griffin Monroe and taunted Ava about her affair with Morgan. But when Ava finally discovers that Esme is Ryan's child and that Ryan coached Esme to torment her, Esme should run for her life. The desire to trade an eye for an eye would be too intense for Ava to resist. I could see Ava killing Esme to even the score for Ryan killing Kiki. But here's the thing -- Avery Pohl just inked a three-year deal with GH, so Esme isn't going to get killed off by Ava or anyone else. She might end up imprisoned or possibly maimed, but not dead.
And as much as we hate Esme -- and I know we all do -- those intense emotions prove how valuable Avery Pohl is to ABC. She has had us buzzing about Esme Prince for months. Esme trends on Twitter every day her scenes air. She's a remarkably gifted young actress and can hold her own against our beloved GH vets like Jon Lindstrom, Genie Francis, and, of course, the incomparable Maura West.
As a side note, who did Nikolas call to get Esme back into Spring Ridge that has more pull there than Dr. Kevin Collins? It drives me mad that she keeps getting in to see him. Esme is no longer taking the Speak and Spell in the cell to pretend she's communicating with him. Make it make sense!
Ms. Pohl has an intensity and a vulnerability in her eyes, and they dance inside Esme and make her both loathed and pitied. Half the time, I want to slap Esme, and half the time, I want to hug her and volunteer to be her Nana. Imagine being the child of a psychotic serial killer, not knowing who your mother is, and being shipped off to boarding school. So, Esme has had a nanny and Ryan as her two adult parental figures most of her life. I have to say, I hope Felicia is Esme's mother because that would be a powerful storyline. Felicia would want to redeem her. She would fight to give her daughter a second chance at being a good person. Sure, we'd have to fudge the timeline, but so what? It's good soapy fun.
We don't know who Esme's mother is right now, but we know that Ava is about to wipe the floor with her. Readers, I adore Maura West. Ava is one of the GH characters that always captivates me, no matter what her storyline is or who they have her paired with, and that is a testament to Maura West's ability to devour any scene they give her. Sometimes, they write fantastic material for Ava, and sometimes not. But even when the storylines are far-fetched, Maura West performs it like it's Shakespeare.
This week, the writers gave Ava some great dialogue, and when she spit out the words, "I am going to burn you to the ground" to Nikolas, we knew damn well she meant it. As Nikolas confessed his sins and tried to blame Esme for seducing him, Ava taunted him with "Seduced by a high school graduate!"
Although I'd like to give Nikolas points for confessing, he only did so because Esme backed him into a corner. He knew if he didn't tell Ava, she'd hear it from Esme. He wanted to put his own spin on it. I can't blame Marcus Coloma for the way they are writing Nikolas these days, but I'm not a fan of their watered-down wimp of a prince.
The Nikolas Cassadine of old was flawed but not weak and not stupid. He made mistakes like sleeping with Liz, his brother's fiancée at the time, but it was because he loved her. I can't imagine the previous incarnation of Nikolas being seduced by his son's high school girlfriend. I could see him turning to Liz, but I struggled with the Esme scenes.
In that way, I feel bad for Avery Pohl because the writers have made her have sex with Nikolas, make out with creepy cell phone guy Oz, and have endless bizarre scenes with Ryan Chamberlain, where I thought he was going to lick her face. I bet this poor girl has nightmares when she goes home. As this storyline unfolds, don't hate me for suggesting this, but I wouldn't mind Esme ending up with Cam when Joss dumps him for Dex. Cam always gave Esme the benefit of the doubt and had a soft spot for her. I can see him wanting to fix her.
This teen scene is about to heat up in a big way. Spencer, played by the magnificent Nicholas Chavez, got up on the stand and incriminated himself to free Trina, a noble and gallant gesture. Trina was moved, Joss was moved, Rory looked annoyed (yes, I saw you calling him Bory), and Cam was nowhere to be found. It was weird that Cameron was not on hand in the courtroom for these scenes. I understand people have schedules, and they are on certain days and not on certain days, but this trial has been coming for months, and Cameron was right in the thick of the storyline and working with Spencer, so for him to not be present for the big payoff seems wrong.
With Spencer doing the princely thing, will Trina immediately swoon into his arms and make an enemy of Rory? Or will Trina stay with Rory, and Josslyn will decide she is smitten with Spencer? There are so many possible options, and they will all be deliciously messy to watch.
Also, I loathe A.D.A. Arden -- basically, everyone in town, including the victims of the crime, has testified on Trina's behalf, and Arden is still hell-bent on prosecuting her. Even when Spencer gave Trina an alibi, she proved you could upload something remotely. Hey, A.D.A. Arden, isn't that why you said it couldn't be Esme, because she wasn't at the cabin? So, you do know that things can be done remotely... I'm sure Diane will highlight that in her closing. But Ava is threatening to kill Esme unless she confesses, so perhaps we have more courtroom shockers coming on Monday!
Idea: Alexis should hire Diane to write a legal column in her newspaper so the two of them can have more scenes together. And so we can see more Diane.
But you know who I don't want to see? More scenes of Felty, Oz, and Smoltz. Too much screen time for such minor characters. We need them to move the story forward, but faster, please.
I think that Dex is more demented than we know yet, and I think if Joss hadn't shown up to tape the crime, Dex would have kicked Felty until he was pulverized. He is filled with rage and has no impulse control, and while both Brando and Brick have warned Sonny of their fears, as usual, Sonny ignores sound advice.
Dex convinced Joss not to take her video to the cops, and it seemed like there was a little spark between Josslyn and Dex. Was that scene a chemistry test? I think it must have been. To the best of our knowledge, Joss and Cam had sex once. It was filmed, they were humiliated, and they have had no romantic scenes since. Maybe the powers that be are looking for a new love interest for Joss? I don't know.
One thing seemed clear, though: Carly had no intention of helping Sonny by trying to make Joss delete the video. If Carly is at the point where she would let Sonny go to jail, she is legitimately over him. Drew and Carly nearly kissed again this week, but like Chase and Brooklyn, we never get the payoff.
Readers, I am just going to give you my unfiltered opinion -- I am already over the Sasha drug storyline. I know addiction is real, I know people who have been addicted to pills in the past, but it's not fun to watch, especially for her third go-round. She nearly ODed back when Cyrus was around. Having Sasha fall off the wagon, time and time again, and swear she's okay, refusing counseling or rehab, is unpleasant viewing for me.
The only reason it makes sense is if they will kill her off. Is Sasha the one who is going to fall down the stairs? I mean, as soon as they put up the broken elevator signs and everyone started going down the stairs, I knew someone was going to take a tumble. I just wasn't sure who. Maybe Willow with her mystery illness? Maybe Dex when Sonny finds out he's working for Michael? Perhaps Esme tries to sneak in and make sure Oz doesn't wake up and incriminate her? I don't know, but mark my words, someone is going to fall.
One couple is falling, and it's absolutely delightful viewing -- Anna and Valentin. Readers, I could watch James Patrick Stuart and Finola Hughes make googly eyes at each other all day. They have potent on-screen chemistry. I don't understand why Valentin won't just tell Anna the truth. "Victor has stashed Charlotte away. He's making me do his bidding to keep her safe." I mean, he knows Anna can be discreet. He knows she is on his side. Valentin knows that Anna could probably find and retrieve Charlotte. I know he is afraid of what Victor might do to his daughter, but if anyone could help, it's definitely Anna. What exactly is Victor up to? What is his master plan? We still have no idea.
Okay, readers, I tweeted about this, and I know some of you had solid opinions. But the fact that Sonny is using his mob intimidation skills on a kid chopping lemons behind a bar for disrespecting Nina bugged me. A) Nina is a grown woman. If she wanted to, she could discipline or fire the disrespectful employee, all on her own. B) Sonny wasn't crazy about Nina taking Carly's half of Metro Court, but now he will intimidate some kid because he doesn't like his new boss? C) I'm still mad that Sonny is taking Nina's side over everyone in his life. I mean, that one time they had sex must have totally rocked his world because he hasn't been the same since. I guess that would explain Jax's obsession with Nina, too. Man, I would love to see Jax come back and steal Nina back from Sonny. But not Ingo. A new and improved Jax. Maybe a Hemsworth brother.
What will happen tomorrow, dear readers? Will Liz snap and push Finn down the stairs and drag his lifeless body into the Peter freezer? Will Felicia try to get Maxie and Esme to bond once she finds out she's Esme's mom? Will anyone at Spring Ridge ever notice that the supposedly "locked in" Ryan can walk, talk, and get creepily close to his supposed aide? Will anyone but me tell Mac he is a silver fox? Will Jordan ever get a new love interest, or is she destined to look longingly at Curtis for all time?
Will Ava and Spencer team up to save Trina and turn against Prince Cheaty McCheaterton? Will Michael regret hiring Dex when he goes rogue and kicks someone into oblivion, as we know he will? Will Nina barter some bone marrow for a playdate with Wiley when Willow's mystery illness proves they are related? Will Carly buy the Haunted Star just in time for Halloween and throw a creeptastic Boogie-Man Ball? Will Esme cut off her signature long silky locks and go with a blonde pixie cut and chunky glasses to try to hide in plain sight?
Only tomorrow knows, dear readers, and I will tune in tomorrow as long as there are tomorrows.
What are your thoughts on General Hospital? What did you think of this week's Two Scoops? We want to hear from you -- and there are many ways you can share your thoughts.
